You know you're cool, when...

You talk to yourself.

The house is mostly empty (except for your hermit brother) and so you blast music and dance around when Mr. Blue Sky comes on.

You sing just about every moment of your life

When things get awkward, youj either say "welll...yeah....this is getting awkward..." or "right...I'm going to stop talking now..." (stop talking now can be replaced by I'm gonna go now and the backing away slowly.)

You punch yourself in the head because you dancing like an idiot.

So today is my fifth happy day in a row, SCORE!! Really, I'm on top of the world right now. I just hope I don't jinx it. you also know you're cool when instead of jinx you write kinx and then you can't fix it until you stop laughing) The musical opens in 23 days!!! WHAT???? You don't know what i'm talking about??/ Well, that must be fixed! My school is doing Lers Miserables for our musical this year (we alternate musicals and plays. This year is Les Mis.) and yours truly is Madame Thenardier. Yeah! And my very good friend Avery is Valjean, go him! Seriously, he is so amazing. But he thinks he's not. Cuz he's lame. Anyway, that's all I had to say. Live long and prosper.

At the risk of getting myself more haters than fans, let's talk for a second about...

People who yell at and critisize you for every single thing that you do but you notice that they do worse things than you do. Like "Oh no, you made a loud noise!" Okay, little Miss Lie-about-most-things-and-fight-with-my-little-sister-over-everything-because-she-gets-mad-and-it's-funny, who died and made you perfect? Really. God gave you your own life without your own imperfections, so don't focus on mine. No one gives a crap that you think you're better than me. What you need to do is get a reality check and realize that none of us posess a single perfect cell in our bodies. Not even me. I am a selfish whiny little fat head who focuses too much on complaining about herself and trying to convince people that she's not a girly girl, is a total tom boy but may just be a tiny little bit girly (but not overly girly. Just not as 'butch' as she sometimes pretends) and you don't see me pointing out every little flaw. Geez. You should all just hold a convention and point out each others flaws, so that none of the rest of us have to hear you nit pick and you can critisize each other without ever getting annoyed, because that's another thing you can critisize.

Foamy is the master of the squirrely wrath.

What's that? You've not heard of Foamy? Well head on over to Newgrounds and get educated my friend! Actually, a better way to get educated is to go to illwillpress.com, that's the website. He's so funny and full of hate. One of my favourite Foamy quotes is "you look that dumb ass straight in the eye and say "well that's too bad, because while you were wasting your time trying to get laid by old ladies I carved out your mothers eye sockets with a razor blade and sold her blind ass to bondage slaves of the japanese mafia and they've been shoving flesh eating cavern ants up her ass and video taping it for internet broadcasting. Now that's an insult!"

Anyway, on an unrelated note, I WANT TO GO TO TORONTO!!! Now, I am aware that makes me look ike a self-centered brat and maybe I am, but I have a good reason to be this time. Sweeney Todd is playing in Toronto. Until April 4th. Easter. I really want to see it, but my mom says I need a responsible adult (a parent, if you will) and I don't know what it is about parents and Sweeney Todd, but no one wants to take me to it. On top of that, RENT is also in Toronto, so I want to see both shows on the same trip. Again, I need a parent. Being 17 sucks sometimes.

Why?

Why am I so sad all of the time? Seriously. I have so many reasons to be a cheerful person but I just can't seem to find the will to be happy. I cry more than I smile, I prefer to huddle in my bed and cover my head with my blanket than do anything else, I have a Tim Burton's Tragic Thoughts journal, (you can find it on the internet, the stupid library computers won't let me link it.) and I fill it with, well, tragic thoughts. Am I a seriously messed up individual?

I do, however, try to find ways to cope. Mostly I immerse myself in books and musicals and Tim Burton movies and other awesome movies and musicals that have been made into movies. Every musical I've seen is really amazing and I love it, but my favorites are Sweeney Todd, RENT, Les Miserables and Avenue Q. I have yet to see Moulin Rougue and Phantom of the Opera, but those are next on my list.

The Phychiatrist says I'm slightly depressed. I also have a sliet anxiety disorder. I know it's probably that, but still. I feel...pathetic when I'm so sad all the time. It's like I want to be miserable, or my mind doens't want me to be happy. And then I think about how much better my life is than those poor children in third world coutries who have no electricity no food and no educationa and I hate myself a little more.

Pain is an invention of the mind

It really is. Cause ya know, if you're in pain and stop thinking about being in pain, you're no longer in pain! See how that works? So... that drama festival thing...it was...fun. Seriously though, it really was fun. There was lots of nommy nommy food, and an awards ceremony (we won two, for our director and our stage manager.) and a small dance, and even that was fun. I don't do the whole dance thing. Well, no, that's a lie, I dance, but not in public in a place where it costs more money to dance and be exhausted with no food than it would to stay home, dance, get exhausted and have unlimited amounts of food. But I met this girl, and she's really cool. New friends are always a bonus.

Would you care to settle a debate? In the Corpse Bride, which I mentioned in my last post, does Victor love Emily? (the corpse bride) Because my friend says that he does. But he also loves Victoria, the girl he was supposed to marry originally. So, my question is: Why would he let Emily 'die' if he loved her? That is all. Goodnight world, see you when I see you.

And so it begins...

Here we are. Sitting at our computers. You reading this post, me writing this post. And for what? Well, essentially, just because. I mean, my friend has a blog, (you can check her out at http://thelifeandtimesofmelliee.blogspot.com/ ) So why can't I? I suppose it'll be a nice way to vent, no? And hey, even if there's no one out there reading this, I've got a method of coping with life, haven't I? You know, tell complete strangers about my problems and, by some mircale, it'll help. Well, it doesn't hurt right?

My counsellor retired some time ago and since then I've been going through a little rough patch. What else can you expect from a 17 year old female who suffers from slight depression and anxiety and hasn't menstruated in at least a year and a half? (although I'm on it right now, and though it's a bit of a relief, it hurts like heck) So, I figured I'd let this be anonymous counselling for me. None of you know who I am, and if you do, I probably already told you half this stuff.  The first thing to say is: This toga is quite snug. Why am I wearing a toga? Because I have drama festival and the cast of our play is dressing up in togas. Hence, toga.

The Corpse Bride just finished. Love Tim Burton, he is a genius!! Favorite movie of his is Sweeney Todd. Stephen Sondheim is also a genius. Musicals are genius. How many times can one person say genius in a sentence? I guess if you apply yourself, you could use it quite a few times and still have it make sense. I think that I will try it. Johnny the Genius was called Johnny the Genius because he was so smart (a genius, if you will) am his genius-ness was so genius that they decided to call him Johnny the Gneius. Hey, you know that drama festival thing? Yeah, I have to go to that now. Peace dudes and or dudettes...if you're even out there.